me: i'll pick z up
see you around 6
oh, wait, one more thing
have a sec?
Jennifer: oh, ok
sure
me: i had what may be an interesting idea
Jennifer: ok
me: we could do a "trial period" for z
could be unlimited candy
(free choice)
could be free choice (unlimited) tv
or she could chose which
or she could choose to have free choice for one and NONE of the other (for that period)
i'd be curious to see which she'd pick and what the outcome would be
could be 1 week
could be 1 month
Jennifer: ok
me: we could have a standard that needed to be met to consider it functional
for candy, for example, it could be eating meals, brushing teeth after candy, going to bed without a fuss, whatever else we considered relevant to the consumption of candy
for tv, it could be anything we felt related to healthy tv consumption - but quantity could not be a factor
idk what those criteria might be
maybe, getting other responsibilities done (responsibilities we outline)
being prepared to leave at routine times
etc
Jennifer: that sounds good
me: it could even relate to completing homeschooling activity...
to ensure a balance to her days
though i'd hate to make that feel like the "not fun" version she had to do to get tv
Jennifer: yes. i'm discourage re: her lack of desire to read because "it's hard"
yes, that's true too
me: honestly... i don't worry about the reading
she is a pretty brilliant reader
she read me a paragraph from Abel's Island last night without much trouble
all I had to do for her was pronounce the four-syllable words
that book is for ages 9 and up
i think what we are dealing with are the ebb and flow of unschooling
which we were warned about
but we can structure expectations for her that show how much freedom she can have if she uses it responsibly
and follow up on how she's doing
i think she'll take well to that, and we can track it however we need to so she knows it isn't arbitrary
Jennifer: ok
me: great
do you want us to pick tv or candy, or let her choose, or do both?
Jennifer: might as well just do both, i guess
me: the only reasons not to would be (a) would be very interesting to see what she chose (we could go with old rules for the other, or make it a "all-or-nothing" bargain)
(b) we might see effects and not know which change they stemmed from
Jennifer: hmm. that's true
me: want to think about it a bit?
Jennifer: sure

What do you think? And which would your child pick?

All I can say is, Zella came up with this entirely on her own, she was pretty proud to have figured out how to do it, and she was either playing "daycare" or "school," her two outlets of choice for pretend play tyrrany, argumentation, and mind games.

Incidentally, Elmo's eye injury was an entirely unrelated incident, and we believe it was actually an accident. But it does sort of beg for a light bulb hanging on a wire and a metal chair, doesn't it?

Seriously, though, is there anything your child has an impulse to do in a play setting that you "correct" or put constraints or limits on?

I remember back when Z was a toddler she used to chastize, throw, and hit her dollies one minute and coddle and "breastfeed" them the next. Occasionally we would have a casual conversation confirming that she knew we would never do X to a real baby, how do you talk to a real baby, how would that make a real person feel, etc., but have tried to remain hands-off regarding what she chose to express through pretend play with those who had no feelings to hurt.

How about you? Are mean talk, violence, mind games, or anything else your sweet little child can think up ever a problem in your household? Or do you figure they're working out things in play that they know aren't acceptable in any other context, and keep mum? Or do your kids just not do this crazy stuff?

We've been writing about a new parenting video series, JuiceBoxJungle, on The Tranquil Parent over the last several weeks, and it has been a great opportunity for us to explore parenting topics without a lot of judgmental junk. We just posted our thoughts on the series' latest episode, which discusses Dads doing things wrong and Moms correcting them. As usual, we see things a bit differently.

Incidentally, JuiceBoxJungle is also having a contest this week, so if you've been enjoying our approach to topics like cosleeping and "overpraise," we encourage you to hop on over to their website and tell them if you thought our post this week was "funny," "helpful," or "honest." So far, we've been at the top of the charts in the "helpful" category, which is the way we like it at TTP. You can also read other contributors' posts on each week's topic over at the JBJ website, and vote for them too. You can also join the site and post about these topics yourself to join the conversation!