Toy giant Mattel saw fourth-quarter profits for 2008 cut nearly in half from the same quarter in 2007.

That has to hurt - particularly since the holiday season of 2007 can't have been a high-water mark for comparison. That was the year Mattel rolled out their "year of lead recalls" toy-promoting campaign.


Although Mattel is well-known as the company behind Barbie and Hot Wheels, they also make a ton of other stuff, much of it privileged to pollute your eyeballs at your local toy store based on its licensed affiliation with media franchises whose own successes have little to do with toys. While we'd really like to tell them to streamline their product line down to a few of the most promising candidates - say, GeoTrax, Rock'em Sock'em Robots, Pixel Chix, and a line of certified phthalate-free, barefoot-by-design Polly Pockets - we know that isn't going to happen. Instead, we'll focus our efforts on ten toys or toy lines Mattel should kill now. (Hey, this is America - if Joe the Plumber can go advise Congressional aides on Capitol Hill, surely we can get the attention of Mattel's board of directors!)


Shield Blasters. Enter a world where squirt guns include a salad-plate-sized "shield" that is supposed to protect you from an attacking horde of similarly armed combatants. In that world, it may actually protect you, because in order to lay waste to your being, the horde must rapidly turn a giant hand crank in order to fire their weapons! Now flee, flee from this world as quickly as you can, and back into the land of SuperSoakers, water balloons, garden hoses...

Diva Stars. Singing, poseable fashion divas who live to shop are here to teach your child how to brush hair, look in the mirror, and change their clubbing outfits. Because, like, seriously, what else is there to do? Lips light up when doll is singing to ensure minimal battery life. Coming soon to a landfill near you.

RipRoar. Highly anticipated and passionately hated, RipRoar is Mattel's answer to the question, "What if we created a cutting-edge video creation product for little kids that didn't work?" If you have a child whose parent is your sworn enemy, make sure to pick up one of these. [Yikes, this toy is actually made by Manley Toys... guess we have a list of nine. Nice work, Mattel! And thanks, Joe.]


Grow to Pro Pogo. For every parent who dreams of raising a professional pogo-stick user, Grow to Pro's trainer pogo stick is the answer. Rated for ages five and up, it features a wide base to provide balance until ages 6 or 7, at which point the base can be removed and your child will be too tall and too heavy to use it anyway. Next up in the Grow to Pro line: A unicycle with training wheels! Or wait, is that a tricycle?


Pixter. The Pixter is a multimedia device for kids that enables them to "create their own cartoons" as well as watching video and playing games. Unfortunately, most of its features are locked up in the games, which run $20-$30 apiece when they're released. Mattel also regularly kills product lines like this but sells its platform devices right up to the bitter end (JuiceBox, anyone?), and the Pixter has had an unusually long shelf life, which to us means it's not long for this world. LeapFrog won the war for the pre-K gamer; Mattel should get out while the gettin's good.

View-Master. I'm no stranger to nostalgia, but I can't recall a time in my adult life that I have seen a child enjoy one of these things for more than five minutes. Can you? No, that was under five minutes. Seriously, can you? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this technology is pretty much obsolete, except for artists looking for retro mediums. And that's what eBay is for.


My Scene. Toyland's Sharks to Bratz dolls' Jets. Never let it be said that Mattel ceded the low ground. And now that Bratz is dead, they own the low ground, baby!


Mary-Kate & Ashley. Surely this cash cow has run dry by now. It's time to let America heal.

Boom-O. Boom-O was invented when the creators of UNO realized that the only way to end a game of UNO was with a massive explosion. OK, this game sounds kind of fun. But the design is bad enough to make the Mattel logo look like a triumph of postwar graphic design. Warning: Not intended for adults over the age of 107.


Hydro Strike. If the phrase "Sprays a light mist!" doesn't get kids cheering, the prospect of playing Hydro Strike outside on a hot day while their neighbors gear up with squirt guns, Slip 'n' Slides, and trips to the pool isn't likely to either. Warning: If following up a session of Hydro Strike with Lightning Reaction Xtreme Shock 2 in 1 Game, please dry off first.

Disagree with one (or more) of our picks? We'd love to hear why you love something we put up on the chopping block - but you've gotta suggest an alternative. Here's a list of candidates (although Mattel's website pads the rolls; a few of these toys have already been discontinued!):

American Girl (dolls, books, magazines)
Avatar the last Airbender
Barbie (several brands)
Barney
Batman
Bear In the Big Blue House
Bitty Baby
Blue's Clues
Boom-O
Classical Chorus (?)
DC Universe
Disney (lots of little brands)
Diva Starz
Dora the Explorer
ello
ESPN Toys
Fashion Avenue
Fisher-Price (baby on up)
Geo Trax
Girls of Many Lands
Grow to Pro
Happy Family
Hilarium
Hot Wheels (several brands)
Hydro Strike
Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius
Juicebox
Justice League
Kelly
Kitchen Play (?)
Laugh & Learn
Little Mommy
Little People
Looney Tunes
Loving Family Doll House
Loving Family Sweet Streets
Magic 8 Ball
Mary-Kate & Ashley
Masters of the Universe
Matchbox (a few brands)
Mattel Games and Puzzles
Matty Collector (?)
Max Steel
Mickey Mouse
Mind Trap
Miracle Baby
Miracles & Milestones
My First Dollhouse
My Scene
Nickelodeon (several brands)
OnePiece
Othello
Outburst
Pixel Chix
Pixter
Polly Pocket!
Power Wheels
Rebound
Rock'em Sock'em Robots
Scene It?
Scrabble (International)
See 'n Say
Sesame Street
Shake n' Go
Shakira
Shannen & Scooch (?)
Shield Blaster
Shining Stars
Skateboard Shannen (?)
Snap n' Style
Spellmaster
SpongeBob SquarePants
Super Electronic Ker Plunk!
Thumbelina
Timeless Treasures
Tip-It
Toss Across
Tumblin' Monkeys
Tyco R/C
UNO
Vidster
View-Master
What's Her Face
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
Wiggly Worms (?)
Winnie The Pooh
Winx
Yu-Gi-Oh

We'd also like to hear what toy lines you (or your child) would be give your eyeteeth to keep afloat in a turbulent economy. In other words, what are your favorite Mattel products?